I Saw You in a Dream

I saw you in a dream.
We were
in the same place
at the same time
on the same page.
It was nice.

I woke up annoyed at myself.
My curiosity
fascination
wonder
borderline obsession
with you.

You bring out
the romantic
the dreamer
the child
the crazy
in me.

It's not good.
It's not reciprocal.
It's not real.
It's make believe.
It was just a dream.

New Game

My new game is 

how little can I care. 

For a while, I was terrible.

I cared more than I want to admit. 

You know that right?

How could you not?
Even after 

settling on

agreeing to

trying so hard to be

forcing myself to believe it was

just friends,

I cared too much. 

I hope she's great. 

Whoever she is. 

I'm just bitter that 

she's not me. 

Rules

We followed the rules.
I broke the rules.
But it doesn't matter
if we followed the rules
or if I broke the rules
because there are no rules.
And now I realize,
with no rules
you get no exceptions.
And I thought this was an exception.
I thought it was something different.
Maybe something special.
But this world with no rules,
there are no exceptions.
The only rule is
no rules.
No exceptions.

Taking Inventory

It's 3pm on a Sunday afternoon in Brooklyn.
If you had told me a year ago that I'd be living in Brooklyn,
I might have laughed.
Honestly,
it's hard to say for certain
because me a year ago
feels like a completely different person.
Tomorrow is New Year's Eve.
It's also my brother's birthday.
Everyone raise a glass to that amazing young man.
I'm 26 years old. Single.
No prospects in sight.
It's better this way.
And I have no solid plans for the evening.
But I'm ready for 2019.
2018 feels like a big year.
A shit year.
A year where a lot of shit went down.
So I'm taking inventory.
Inventory is a big part of my job now.
Inevitably,
there is loss.
But every once in a while,
I find something I never realized I had.

Friends.
Lost.
Gained.
Rediscovered.

Family.
Challenged.
Cherished.
Prevailed.

Career.
Paused.
Recalibrated.
Embarked.


Personal.
Upended.
Achieved.
Relocated.

Thank you, 2018.
Next.

Ready or Not

I thought that I was ready.
But I'm not.
I thought it would be easy.
But it's not.
I didn't think it'd be this hard.
But it is.
I didn't think it'd hurt this much.
But it does.
I'm not ready.
But ready or not,
what's done is done.

The Year of You

I wanted this year to be
the year of me.

I realize now it became
the year of you.

A pretty start
with an ugly end
and some volatility in between.
A predictable pattern of mine.

I've arrived
at the point where
nothing is left.
No doubt.
No question.
No curiosity.
No hope.

No dreams.

No magic.

No time.

I'm ready for a new year.

All the Money in the World

Money helps open doors.
Money helps fight the clock.
Money helps clean up a mess.
Money helps fix things that break.

But all the money in the world 
can't conjure joy where there is none.