Choices

I made some choices today.
You sent an email.
You signed papers.
Things are falling into place.
I feel relieved now.
I'm more at ease now.
I don't know if this is right.
I may be wrong and see
a different life for me.

So this is what choices feel like.
This is what making choices feels like.

A Dress

I bought this dress 2 years ago.
Because we were going to dinner.
At his boss' apartment.
Her chef husband was cooking.

I almost got rid of the dress.
Because I lost weight.
And it just kind of hangs there.
I thought I wanted an update.

I wore that dress today.
Because I gained weight.
And it just kind of hangs there.
I got so many compliments
on that damn dress.

Ice Cream

I don't know what I'm doing.
I ate too much ice cream last night.
And cheese and drank beer.
So I ran a very slow 4.4 miles this morning.
I'm trying to get into a groove.
And I've eaten nothing all day
except coffee
and I still feel gross.
What a rip-off.
It was worth it.

I start this job tomorrow.
Because the job I really want is holding out
and I have to start making money.
Now I'm a host.
We'll see how this goes.
I don't know what I'm doing.
"Who does?!"
He says.
He was always really ok with that.
Supporting indecisiveness. 

The New Girl

Being the new girl.
It's like you're a toy.
A shiny, new toy
that everyone wants to play with.
I am really good at being the new girl.