I'm sorry I'm bailing

It's being able to have the sorry I'm bailing exchange
without feeling bad.
I'm sorry and I know we had an agreement
but I trust you know that I wouldn't cancel on you
without good reason.
I'm dealing with some shit. 

What're you waiting for?

It's like something out of a movie.
It's not supposed to happen to us.
Maybe there will be a movie.
Oh my God, Kelsey just write something already.

What I didn't know.

I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
I made that so much harder for you.
I didn't know.
But you know what?
Now I know.
I'm going to be better.
Now I know.
I know and I still love you.
Thank you for everything.

What I know.

My phone is constantly on 'Low Power Mode.'
Really living on the edge.
I feel like I got scammed into a $510 dental cleaning.
Don't worry, I'm going off my worthless insurance next month.
Truly living on the edge.
I move really expensive wine around the world for very wealthy people.
I have weird feelings about money.
Some days it's really fun + cool.
These days I seriously question my contribution to society.
I'm back in therapy.
Back in credit card debt.
Boys think I'm funny.
He liked me.
I'm done apologizing.
I'm learning to listen.
I'm trying to think less.
Keep things simple.
Palo santo + sage are on my list of desert island essentials.
Champagne + french fries are non-negotiable.
I read horoscopes regularly.
I still don't meditate regularly.
I've been dating recently.
So much work.
I miss when it was easy.
I miss the feeling like you never want to stop.
Texting. Talking. Touching.
When it's right, it's easy.
It's that feeling.
I want to take a bath in that feeling.
I don't know how to explain it.
It's that we could never be 'just friends' feeling.
I didn't have that feeling.
That's what I know.

Can't fight feelings.

I did the best I could.
It's hard to 'breakup'
if you weren't really dating.
What happened?
I was wrong.
It's just a feeling.
You can't fight feelings.

What really matters.

Everything changed.
Nothing stays forever.
Change is growth.
Growth is hard.
Why do bad things happen?
Why to good people?
Every obstacle is there to teach us something
so what's the lesson to be learned here?
At the end of the day, no one can take away
what really matters.

It's different.

I'm done feeling
the way I did for so long
like I need to apologize.

But it's still jarring
breath-taking
to meet a man who says,
"Stop apologizing."