27

A Manifesto for 27

'Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.'  - Joan Rivers

'You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.' - Rumi

'Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted.' - John Lennon

If you can't change it, you can't complain about it.

Being direct is not the same as being aggressive.

'We are what we believe we are.' - C.S. Lewis

If it's not teaching you something, let it go.

You are more than a single performance.

Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

Everybody is doing the best they can.

You're allowed to change your mind.

The world is bigger than New York.

Nobody can do the Work for you.

There is no such thing as perfect.

Gratitude changes everything.

Clear communication is vital.

You are more than your job.

Growth is not always fun.

Discomfort is temporary.

Buy your own flowers.

Follow your curiosity.

Love yourself 10/10.

Go to the beach.

Practice piano.

Keep singing.

Dance often.

Be brave.

A new way.

How did we get here?
I think that's the worst thing about you.
You were there.
You heard more than I'd ever share with most.
Do you ever think about me?
Is it a waste of my thoughts to wonder?
To muse over what your life looks like?
Or the way you feel about things?
Maybe.
You mattered.
I can't undo that.
Cmd+z that.
If only it were that easy.
So what's the solution?
Find a new way.
A better way.

Take 4.

I don't want to be sad anymore.
Why?
What is going on?
You once said,
admitting is the hardest part.
I don't want to miss you anymore.
I miss you.
There.
I said it.

Take 3.

I don't want to be sad anymore.
Why?
What is going on?
Maybe it's whatever is underneath the thought?
That thought that surfaced yesterday.
Where did that come from?
I am not enough.

Take 2.

I don't want to be sad anymore.
Why?
What is going on?
Maybe it's waiting for him to call
The waiting is hard for me.
I have to give him space.
A new thing I'm trying.
Old thoughts 
fight for my attention.
I am not enough.
I'm doing the best I can.

Take 1.

I don't want to be sad anymore.

Why am I sad?

What is going on?

Maybe it's being single at a time in my life where that's not in the majority anymore.

The dating pool is shrinking rapidly and I'm going to die a shrew.

Dear God please no.

Am I really this person?

Is that really it? 

Am I lonely?

I like being alone.

There's a difference 
between 

alone and lonely.

Alone is physical.

Lonely is emotional.

So maybe that is it.

Lonely.

I'm sad because I'm lonely.

There I said it.

You (can't) find what you (don't) look for.

You know when you can't find what you're looking for?
You search for it.
You think about the last time you had it. 
You want it again.

You know when you realize may not find what you're looking for?
You start to doubt it's there. 
You feel a sadness creeping in.
You catch that swell starting to rise.

You know when you realize you have a choice?
You could be upset.
You could blame yourself.
You could blame someone else.
You could forget about blaming anyone because
you decide you will just have to live without it.
You have to learn to live with it gone.
So get on with it already.
It's that moment when you realize you weren't meant to find what you were looking for.
And it's that moment when you realize you can stop thinking about whatever you were looking for.
Now you've decided it's best you didn't find what you were looking for.
Stop looking for what you don't need.
Start looking for what you do need
and it'll be there.
And maybe you'll find it.
It's simple.
You (can't) find what you (don't) look for.

So what're you looking for?

Hard and Clear

One of the first inspirational quotes I found on Pinterest.
Back when I was writing about another boy.
Write hard and clear about what hurts.
Ernest Hemingway.
Simple enough.
So what hurts?
Where does it hurt?
How does it feel?
It hurts.
I'm sad.
I've been here before.
I'm sad because I lost something.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being there.
Thank you for believing me.
Thank you for staying awake all night.
Thank you for morning-after drive-thru coffee.
Whatever it was is gone.
Let it go.