What hurts.

What hurts is
I trusted a system
put in place to care for me
but it turns out
profit is the priority.
My health insurance is a joke.

A worn-out kind of way.

Maybe I shouldn't have
walked you home
on a wet hot summer night
after too many drinks.
But I did.

Maybe I shouldn't have
let you kiss me hard
on a random dark stoop
in Hell's Kitchen.
But I did.

Because I love(d) you.
In a worn-out kind of way.
There's nothing left.
We're tapped out.
Worn down.
Damaged.
Used-up.
Done.

27

A Manifesto for 27

'Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.'  - Joan Rivers

'You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.' - Rumi

'Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted.' - John Lennon

If you can't change it, you can't complain about it.

Being direct is not the same as being aggressive.

'We are what we believe we are.' - C.S. Lewis

If it's not teaching you something, let it go.

You are more than a single performance.

Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

Everybody is doing the best they can.

You're allowed to change your mind.

The world is bigger than New York.

Nobody can do the Work for you.

There is no such thing as perfect.

Gratitude changes everything.

Clear communication is vital.

You are more than your job.

Growth is not always fun.

Discomfort is temporary.

Buy your own flowers.

Follow your curiosity.

Love yourself 10/10.

Go to the beach.

Practice piano.

Keep singing.

Dance often.

Be brave.

A new way.

How did we get here?
I think that's the worst thing about you.
You were there.
You heard more than I'd ever share with most.
Do you ever think about me?
Is it a waste of my thoughts to wonder?
To muse over what your life looks like?
Or the way you feel about things?
Maybe.
You mattered.
I can't undo that.
Cmd+z that.
If only it were that easy.
So what's the solution?
Find a new way.
A better way.

Take 4.

I don't want to be sad anymore.
Why?
What is going on?
You once said,
admitting is the hardest part.
I don't want to miss you anymore.
I miss you.
There.
I said it.

Take 3.

I don't want to be sad anymore.
Why?
What is going on?
Maybe it's whatever is underneath the thought?
That thought that surfaced yesterday.
Where did that come from?
I am not enough.

Take 2.

I don't want to be sad anymore.
Why?
What is going on?
Maybe it's waiting for him to call
The waiting is hard for me.
I have to give him space.
A new thing I'm trying.
Old thoughts 
fight for my attention.
I am not enough.
I'm doing the best I can.