Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Reality Checks

We all have those moments where we feel like we are winning at life- on top of the world. All the odds seem to be in your favor and in that instant, if you were a tribute in the hunger games, you would kill that shit. 


You are the queen bee.


However, there is always a moment following that rains on the parade and brings you back to planet Earth. In reality, most of us would die in the hunger games and we are not royalty but in fact, plebeians. 

See examples below.

EXAMPLE 1: You just got an awesome blowout and you are flipping your hair at every opportune (and inopportune) moment so as to get the most out of your $30. You're having trouble hearing over the volume of your hair.


REALITY CHECK: You have to shower at some point. Bye, bye blowout. Hello, disaster.


Rough.

EXAMPLE 2: You and your squad are out on the town. You all look fabulous and this happens as frequently as a supermoon (411.8 days according to Google) therefore, a photo must be taken to prove it actually happened and invoke F.O.M.O (fear of missing out) upon the masses. So, you throw your iPhone at some innocent bystander, everyone hits their angle (we all know you know your angle) and the moment is documented digitally for all of eternity. What could possibly go wrong?


REALITY CHECK: Everyone bombards the photographer to see the picture and once again, disaster strikes. There is not enough FaceTune in the world to fix what just happened. That photo will never see the light of day and in an instant you're reminded why you haven't had a boyfriend since 2013.


Rough.

EXAMPLE 3: You're feeling fancy and especially adult-like so you order a bottle of wine at dinner. You navigate the entire process like a professional. You nod, you swirl, you sniff, you aerate, you swish, you swallow, you nod again and when asked if you'd like another bottle you nod yet again. Let the good times roll.


REALITY CHECK: You wake up the next morning.


You check your credit card statement.


ROUGH.

And yet despite how painful reality checks can be, I am rather fond of these instances as they are generally hysterical when you take a step back to evaluate and remind us that life is too short to take too seriously.


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