Friday, December 18, 2015

Ghost(ing) the Musical

As technology continues to develop, I find myself in a very, very, very intense love/hate relationship with the various channels of communication including but not limited to text messages, Facebook, email, even Instagram. They're great ways to keep in touch and I use all of the above on a regular basis. I could publish a very entertaining coffee table book of snippets of threads between me and my close friends. Samples from said book featured below. 

Who else will accept you unconditionally?
Who else will be at the ready with a friendly reminder of where you're at in life?

Who else will stand by you and help you be the person you want to be?

Anyone interested in offering me a book deal yet?
#lifegoals

Basically, it takes maybe all of 10 seconds to send someone a text/snap/life update of some sort.

So.

WHY HASN'T HE TEXTED ME BACK!?

Enter: Ghosting.












According to me and my vast experience in this area, I have come up with following definition of ghosting.



Ghosting
ˈɡōstiNG/
verb
1. The act of not responding to a message from a person thereby driving said person into a state of mania, paranoia, depression, rage, and/or binge eating. 

Not to be confused with:

First of all, let's examine who is guilty of ghosting. 
1. Assorted friends from various walks of life, never. Honestly, I have all of my group threads on "Do Not Disturb" because once a conversation gets going I cannot deal with my phone vibrating nonstop for the next half an hour.
2. Roommates, never. If I don't get a response within an hour or two depending on the time of day we're dealing with I assume one of the following:
     a) They're actually doing their job.
     b) They're on a fabulous date.
     c) They're having an adult sleepover following the fabulous date.
     d) They're dead and I should notify the authorities immediately.
3. Family, never. My mother always responds promptly when I have an urgent question like am I vaccinated against every known alphabetical variation of hepatitis.

Let's be real, we all know it's usually, always, 100% of the time someone that we are sleeping with. 



Nope, not kidding, sorry girl, this is not a drill.

So now that we've established the guilty ones, we now move on to the next.



It is my belief that these men do not fully realize the effect that ghosting has on a rational human being. I will attempt to explain.

Before ghosting.



During ghosting.




Emotional yo-yoing is exhausting and by the end of the cycle, we've convinced ourselves that he's just not that into you ala the 2009 movie that I saw on Valentine's Day with my boyfriend at the time. It didn't last much longer. Go figure.



And who is to blame? Is it our fault for letting our emotionally stability hinge on one man's response time or is it his fault for keeping us in purgatory indefinitely?

Is it you or me?




Because here's the thing- I'm perfect. 


Just kidding. 

The reality of the situation is we cannot control who we become emotionally invested in.


And if someone is worth it, you will work through the ghosting because life is compromise. My best advice here is to keep an open dialogue regarding communicative expectations and pray to Jesus for a miracle.



 You can also take a Xanax and calm the fuck down if you don't get an immediate response. Unfortunately, not all of us keep prescription anti-anxiety meds on demand so I leave you with this: 

When you don't hear back from that guy, just bitch/cry/eat/drink about it - hell, maybe even blog about it - because someday, somehow if he's actually into you (which he probably is because you're fabulous remember?) he'll get the idea and eventually hit you up again.

Of course, there's always the option to drop that asshole and move on. 

But who are we kidding? Masochism is the new black so see you suckers there.



Nvm he just texted back.



Ignore everything I just said.


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