Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Arachnid Crisis

I'm really trying to be at peace with myself and the world around me.
It seems to be going well today until
I spot a larger spider crawling along the wall of my room.
I hate spiders.
I know we swallow 7 a year in our sleep 
but that annoyingly disturbing information doesn't help anyone.
I know I am going to have to deal with this creature somehow.
So, I take one of several notebooks I have lying around
and smash the shit out of it.
All without smearing it into the carpet, mind you.
Then I go upstairs to eat pizza.
My plan is to return to the scene of the crime
and dispose of the evidence somehow.
Usually I take 3-4 tissues, 
pick up the dead thing,
wince as I hold the mass of tissues as far away from my body as possible 
and throw it into the toilet as quickly as possible.

Well, I get back to my room and the spider is gone.
This is the worst thing that could've happened
because that means there is an arachnid on the lose somewhere in my bedroom.
I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is.
First thing I decide to do is swear up a storm,
followed by a solid 45 seconds of wining.
Then I throw a very brief temper tantrum
and half-heartedly beg my dad to come downstairs to help me.
Spoiler alert: he did not come to my resuce.
When it appears I have no other choice,
I decide to man up a la that amazing song from BOOK OF MORMON.
"I'm gonna man up all over myself!"
Hilarious and brilliant.
I figure this stupid spider couldn't have actually gotten that far
because I do believe I at least managed to maim it earlier.
My deductive reasoning leads me to the conclusion that it had crawled behind my very heavy desk.
I never realized the extent of my own determination until I was confronted by this stupid spider.
I single-handedly move this piece of furniture and
there it is.
I'm not really in the mood to smash it anywhere
so I scramble to find a dustbuster
and I suck it away.
If only all of my problems were so easily remedied.

Monday, April 16, 2018


My parents and I were driving home from the airport this past Saturday.
They were picking me up after another lovely trip to my lovely hometown. 
It was 80 degrees and sunny when I got on the plane.
It was 30 degrees and dreary when I got off the plane.
So we're driving along and they inform me that
we are having two med students over for dinner.
Here's the thing- 
I don't sleep when I'm in Florida.
I was exhausted and the prospect of entertaining
I knew it wasn't up for discussion because I am living in their house
where they call the shots.
So I decide to employ some positive thinking 
and after gathering more information about our dinner guests I remark,
"Oh, I'm excited to meet these med students."
My father's immediate response-
"Please don't scare them."
I burst out laughing.
My dad thinks I'm overwhelming.
So overwhelming in fact
that I might scare off two grown-ass men
who are in pursuit of medical degrees.
This should be fun.
Dinner was great.
My mom is a fantastic cook.
I seemed to have missed that set of skills somehow.
I held my own over the course of conversation
but immediately became an absolute non-threat when we hit the pool table.
I am so bad at shooting pool.
Shooting pool and bowling are serious weaknesses of mine.

But the earlier exchange with my dad got me thinking.
Am I overwhelming?
What is overwhelming?
Is there some standard to measure people against as under/over/just plain whelming?
It's entirely subjective.
You think I'm overwhelming?
That's fine.
It's not a good or a bad thing.
And it's not a permanent thing.
It is what it is.
Take it or leave it.
Or change it.
We choose our own adventure,
wouldn't you agree?

Sunday, April 15, 2018


I enjoy being a driver. 
I enjoy being a passenger.
I love the solitude.
I love the company.
I'm happy arriving alone. 
I'm happy traveling together.

Friday, April 13, 2018

Friends v Lovers

Slow is sustainable.
Fast is fleeting.
Friends are treasures.
Lovers are disposable.
Admit it.
Deny it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Polarizing Items

1. "You are enough."

  • Love the sense of empowerment. 
  • Hate that it leaves me alone. 
  • Also- enough is weirdly finite and I'm not explaining it properly right now.

2. "It takes a village."

  • Love the community. 
  • I understand that people want to connect and I love certain people.
  • Hate the meteorological forecast in my current village. 
  • Sandusky is the current village and the weather makes me miserable.
3. Love

  • Love being/falling in love. 
  • Hate the aftermath of love gone wrong.
  • But that's part of the deal right? You don't get true love without opening yourself up to potential heartbreak. Annoying.

4. Driving

  • Love being in the car alone. 
  • I do some of my best singing/dancing in the car. I would love to make an appearance on "Carpool Karaoke" but alas, no one is interested in watching me when they can have whoever has appeared on that show recently.
  • Hate parking.
  • I have never been good at parking and parallel you can just forget about. 

5. Living at home

  • Love my parents. 
  • Hate living with my parents as a 25 year old trying to be an adult.
  • Self-explanatory.

Thanks for That

Thanks for the memories.
Thanks for the inspiration.
I pull them up when I write.
I turn it up when I write.
They're good inspiration.
They're ugly memories.

Eat, Pray, Love?

I was recently asked if I could have my Julia Roberts Eat, Pray, Love moment where would I go?

It was hard for me to answer.
I was also sitting by the ocean having breakfast on a perfect spring day.
I was overwhelmed.
The world is so vast, how can you possibly answer a question like that on the spot?
I thought about it since and here's what I came up with.

1. Eat my way through San Sebastian.
I love the flavors of Spanish cuisine and tapas are just the right size for a small adult like me. For what it's worth, San Sebastian also has the most Michelin stars per capita outside of Japan and since I'm not a sushi connoisseur, Spain takes the cake. At one point, I had a trip planned and San Sebastian was on the itinerary but alas, life got in the way. Going back on my own terms feels like the right move.
2. Pray my way to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro.
Mandy Moore recently climbed Kilimanjaro and I admire her based on the little I see from her social media/various acting roles/interviews. I completely understand this doesn't sound like a legitimate reason for most people so I'll also mention that my Oma, who is a living embodiment of wanderlust, set off to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro but never summited. She came down with altitude sickness and she had medicine with her to prevent this but she is stubborn about taking pills. So, making it to the top of the highest mountain in Africa feels like I would be finishing what she started.
3. Fall in love with Positano.
I recently decided and have been telling anyone who would listen that I was Italian in a previous life. Positano is by the ocean and as anyone who knows me also knows, I love the ocean/I am Moana. 

So there you have my answer to an excellent question.